


Bound for Glory

by Rcw99



Series: Things To Hold On To [9]
Category: Night In The Woods (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Dealing With Loss, Dinner at Casey's house, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2018-12-20 00:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11909565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rcw99/pseuds/Rcw99
Summary: When Mae is unexpectedly invited over to Casey’s parents’ house for dinner, she has to decide whether or not to tell them what really happened to their son, figure out her feelings for her late best friend, and may just finally find the closure she needs regarding his death.





	1. Chapter 1

  


It was now about a month after that night in the woods.

To say Casey’s death still didn’t weigh on Mae’s mind sometimes would be an understatement. It was probably the thing that had stuck with her the most from the whole ordeal. All the ghosts, cults, and gods somehow fell by the wayside very quickly and it was only once everything had calmed down that it really hit her just how much she missed him. 

She and the others had their own funeral for Casey. That had been her idea. She had found a large, flat rock—perfect for a headstone—and Gregg had carved Casey’s name into it with one of his knives. It wasn’t pretty by any stretch of the imagination, but she knew Casey wouldn’t have minded. He had been rough like that anyways.

They held the service out in the woods, of course. She laid his headstone among the roots of the tree they used to hang out at together and had managed to force out some semblance of a eulogy. It was what he would’ve wanted, she knew. Something short and simple. 

It had been painful, though. She’d been a complete wreck the entire time, and barely even made it through the service. It had only been because of her friends that she managed to keep it together at all. She was lucky to have them.

The funeral helped put a sense of finality to everything, but she would be lying if she said she was totally okay. There were still a lot of unresolved things between her and Casey that wouldn’t ever get closure. It tore her heart sometimes to even think of him. 

But it was getting better, that emptiness inside her.

Time heals all wounds, after all. Or, that’s what she kept telling herself anyway.

And it helped that she kept herself busy these days. 

Well, sort of, at least.

She had been spending a significant amount of time looking for any job she could find, but nothing seemed to be going her way.

Surprisingly, there had been plenty of job openings lately. Within the handful of weeks that had passed, new life had been breathed into the town, for seemingly no reason. Though she had no way of confirming it, Mae had the sneaking suspicion that it might’ve had something to do with Black Goat and the twenty-one people that were now probably lying at the bottom of that pit in the old mine.

Mae had applied for a bunch of jobs, of course, but it turned out that everyone else had a lot more work experience than she did, or more motivation, or whatever, and all the positions she was even remotely qualified for had been snapped up before she knew it. Even the new taco place was full up, which really sucked because she had actually wanted to work there.

So in between going to fruitless job interviews and feeling even more like a piece of shit than usual—because she was actually trying to do something productive and failing at it—she fell back into her usual routine of sleeping in late, wandering the town, and talking to everyone.

It helped distract her a little bit.

But the fact of the matter was that she was feeling a bit lonely.

Casey had always been there for her when no one else was, and now he was gone.

She and Gregg managed to hang out a few times, but not enough. He and Angus were getting ready to move within the next month, so they were caught up with getting all that in order. They always seemed to be doing something nowadays.

And even Bea was busier than usual. With winter setting in, business at the Pickaxe had picked up and consumed a lot of her time. Sometimes, Mae had half a mind to go and see if she could get a job there, but she still felt a little too proud to ask her friend for help.

Germ was still around, occasionally. They hung out a few times, but he had his own life and sometimes wouldn’t even show up for days at a time. That being said, Rabies was still around. He was always around.

In fact, just about the only interesting thing she’d done recently was help Lori film a short movie about what she thought happened to all the people that had disappeared. That had been fun, though a little strange. Mae had even played the monster that had eaten everyone. Lori made her a pretty cool costume and everything.

But that was all in the past. Today, the only person Mae really talked to was Selmers, who seemed to in just about the same situation she was. They bitched about stuff together, so that was at least somewhat enjoyable. Hearing her poetry was always great too.

That had been in the afternoon though. Now it was nearing dusk, and she hadn’t done anything of note in the intervening hours. It was pathetic, even for her. She had spent the past few hours aimlessly wandering around on the north side of town, up near the train tracks.

Now though, she was slowly but surely making her way back home for dinner, where her lovely parents would be waiting for her. They had been pretty supportive of her since she’d explained why she had dropped out of college. It was hard for them not to be, after all, once they understood. But even Mae could pick up that they were getting eager to have her start doing something productive with her time, so she wasn’t all that enthused to get back home.

Mae sighed heavily, watching her breath condense in the cold air, and pulled her jacket tighter to her body. It was winter now, and with it came a lot of snow. This year hadn’t been as bad as the blizzard of 2010—at least not yet—but it had been a pretty heavy snowstorm. Mae knew they closed the schools the day it hit, but nothing more than that. The streets had already been plowed and everything, so everything had returned to normal fairly quickly. Mae was just glad she had put on enough layers before going on that morning, because she would’ve frozen to death otherwise and that would’ve been a real pussy way to go out after everything.

The north side of town was peaceful. Even more so with the snow. It was mostly forest, with a few homes scattered around, so there weren’t very many people out and about. It was about as ‘country’ as you could get in Possum Springs without actually leaving the town. There were a bunch of mobile homes out that way, which had always fascinated Mae, because none of them looked like they’d moved in years.

At the moment, she was walking in the middle of the street, headed back into town proper. Her mom would’ve had a fit if she could’ve seen Mae then, walking down a twisty-turny backwoods road at night. She had warned Mae more than enough times over the years not to do exactly that, but Mae didn’t really care. It was way more dangerous to walk on the powerlines, and she did that anyways, so this didn’t even bother her. 

So what if it was a secluded place with no streetlights? It was easy enough to hear when a car was approaching, and even easier to see them if they had their headlights on. And, it only took a few seconds to move out of the middle of the road to make way. Mae had done it a hundred times before. She would have to mess up pretty bad to be in any danger. Luckily, she had absolutely never ever messed up anything over the course of her entire life. Or something like that, at least.

Case in point, after only a few more minutes, she heard the telltale sound of a car engine rumbling from just around the curve ahead. With practiced ease, Mae moved off to the side of the road, making sure to give the oncoming car plenty of room.

Said car appeared just seconds later, its headlights blinding her momentarily, and then whipped right past without slowing. That was probably the least dangerous thing she’d done in a while, she thought. Her mom could suck it! She didn’t understand how people got run over. You just had to, like, move out of the way.

And then the car braked, hard, kicking up snow behind it.

Mae glanced back to see that the car had skidded to a stop in the middle of the road only a few feet from her. Her pulse quickened and she picked up her pace, hoping that whatever the reason the car had stopped wasn’t because of her. A thousand different thoughts ran through her head in that moment, including the very real concern that she might get kidnapped.

It was a stupid thought, she knew. People didn’t get kidnapped in Possum Springs anymore. She took care of that problem.

But…

Well, maybe her mom had been right after all. Maybe dark, isolated roads weren’t the best places to be by yourself. She would hate to have to admit that though. 

She heard the car door open.

There was silence for a moment and her entire body tensed up, ready to have to run away if need be.

“Margaret?” The word cut through the air.

Mae froze at the voice, all her previous fears leaving her in an instant. Very few people ever called her by her full name. In fact, she only knew one person who did, and while she hadn’t seen said person for a long time, she instantly recognized the voice behind her.

She turned around.

And standing in the middle of the road, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, was Francine Hartley.

Casey’s mom.

Mae didn’t know what to say. Or do, for that matter. All at once, her mind was blank and her legs almost collapsed out from under her. She couldn’t quite process what she was seeing. Everything about it was… Well, she didn’t even know. It hadn’t been something she’d been expecting at all. Never, in a million years.

Francine didn’t seem to be that much better off either. She took a cautious step forward, her eyes trying to take in Mae all at once, as if she didn’t believe that she was there standing in front of her. Her entire body trembled with a nervous excitement.

“…Margaret?” she said again, breathlessly.

By then, Mae found herself again. The shock was still there, buzzing in the back of her head, but she’d managed to squash it down. “H-hey there, Missus H,” she managed to stammer out.

At Mae’s words, Francine swooped forward, enveloping the younger girl in a hug so tight Mae could barely breathe. She didn’t even have the time to process what was happening before Francine pulled away, letting out an excited gasp.

“What’re you doing here?” Francine asked, confusion evident in her voice, “I didn’t know you was back home.”

“Yeah…” Mae chuckled dryly. “Been back a little over a month now. Dropped out.” She jammed her hands in her pockets, unsure what to do with them.

Francine’s eyes narrowed and she lightly slapped Mae’s shoulder, clearly upset. “Now why’d you go and do something like that, huh? Your parents worked hard to get you into college!”

“I know. I just…” Mae grimaced, unwilling to really get into any details right then, right in the middle of the street. Or at all, really. “It just didn’t work out.”

Some sort of understanding flashed across Francine’s face and she seemed almost ashamed. She hugged Mae again, though much gentler than before. “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to be like that.”

This time, Mae managed to hug her back. “It’s fine.” She relaxed into the embrace for a moment, suddenly realizing just how much she missed Mr. and Mrs. Hartley. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d seen them. They hadn’t been able to see her off at the bus station when she left for college, so it had to have been sometime before then.

But Francine wasn’t done. Not by a long shot. Now she fixed Mae with a reproaching stare that both she and Casey had been the victims of many times in their youth. “Now how come you’ve been back a month already and haven’t stopped by at all? Or even called?” She frowned. “We woulda loved to hear from you. I know your mama didn’t raise you like that!”

Mae shrugged, feeling a little guilty. She had been deliberately avoiding them, after all. Or, really, just pretending like they didn’t exist so she wouldn’t have to think about them. “I dunno,” she said instead, “Things have been a little crazy, I guess.”

Francine gave a sympathetic nod and pursed her lips. “That they have. Suppose I can’t blame you, not with everything been going on. Me and your mama haven’t managed to get together at all either…” Something occurred to her then and she glanced at her watch for a second, and then back at her car, still idling in the middle of the road. “Have you eaten yet?”

Mae knew where that line of questioning was going. In fact, she had half a mind to lie just to avoid it, but she also knew Francine would probably see right through her. “No,” she answered honestly, “Was just heading home now.”

“Great!” She clasped Mae on the shoulder again, enthused. “Well, why don’tcha come on over for supper, huh?” She had a big smile plastered on her face. “Bob’ll get a kick outta seeing you again. It’ll be just like old times.”

“I uhh…” Mae paused, considering it for a moment. Her immediate thought was that her parents were expecting her back home, but it wasn’t like she had a curfew. In fact, she knew they both would want her to go to the Hartley’s for dinner, so that wasn’t even remotely an excuse.

Really, there was only one reason she didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to go to Casey’s house. She wasn’t at all prepared for something like that. His death still weighed heavily on her mind, and seeing his house again, and all the memories it would dredge up, seemed almost insurmountable.

While it would be nice to see the Hartleys again, she didn’t know if she could even bear to spend time with them for much of the same reason. There was so much history there, and everything would just feel so empty without Casey there too.

And, of course, there was the big thing looming over her that had driven her to avoid confronting Mr. and Mrs. Hartley in the first place. She still hadn’t decided whether or not to tell them what she knew about their son’s death. She probably would’ve avoided having to do that for the rest of her life if she could’ve.

But now it seemed as if fate was forcing her anyways. She couldn’t refuse. At least, she couldn’t refuse without looking like a huge asshole to probably the kindest person she knew. Mae was many things, but she couldn’t do that to Francine.

So, she agreed.

“Umm, sure, I guess.” The words were hard to force out, and Mae hoped her face didn’t betray just how nervous she was feeling. “I’d probably have to call my parents when we get there, though.”

Francine smiled wide, clearly enthused she had agreed. “Of course. Wouldn’t want Candy to worry any more than she already does. Lord knows she does enough of that already.”

Mae let out a burst of nervous laughter, feeling a little bit of her tension relieved. Maybe this whole thing wouldn’t be so bad after all, she thought.

“Well let’s get going then.” Francine gestured for Mae to follow her back to the car. “Got groceries in the trunk that need to be put away.”

“Yeah.” Mae wasn’t sure what else to say.

“I can’t believe I just ran into you like this,” Francine said as they clambered into the car. “Still trying to wrap my head around the fact you’re back. It’s good to see you again.”

“You too.” And it was. Mae had always considered Francine and Bob Hartley to be good friends.

Francine continued, “This is gonna be a riot. Certainly didn’t expect my evening to go like this. Things have been—” She broke off, glancing away from Mae. “Well, I’m real excited you’re back, hon.”

Mae didn’t respond, understanding just where that sentence had been going. Neither of them wanted to talk about Casey right then, so she figured it best to ignore it. She would’ve been fine not talking about Casey the whole time, but knew that probably wasn’t going to happen.

There was a beat of silence before Francine put the car back into gear and continued her way down the road. It had gotten properly dark by then and the only things visible were what was illuminated by the headlights, and the red glow of the railroad crossing sign way up ahead.

Mae was trying her best not to freak out, but was failing horribly. She was pretty sure Francine was in a similar situation, because she was being uncharacteristically quiet as well.

She stared out the window at the passing trees, watching the snow flurries fall to the ground, and wished really hard that she could make it through this dinner without feeling like she lost Casey all over again.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story pretty much directly follows one of my other stories, [‘Dying Anywhere Else'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10696005). 
> 
> While it’s not necessary to read that beforehand, it would probably help to get a better grasp on Mae and Casey’s friendship and other things referenced here.


	2. Chapter 2

  


For the first time in a long time, Mae Borowski was heading for Casey Hartley’s home. 

She wasn’t sure how long it had been since she’d been there last. It might’ve even been sometime before she graduated high school. Casey had wanted to show her something. She couldn’t remember what, though.

It was only about a ten-minute ride to the house from where Mae had been walking. Even though it was only about seven o’clock, the roads were pretty empty. They must’ve seen only a handful of other cars the entire time. Probably because of the snow, Mae thought.

The car ride itself was pleasant. Once the initial awkwardness right at the start had worn off, Francine talked Mae’s ears off, informing her about every little thing that had happened since they last saw each other. Francine always like to talk, so that’s what she did.

And, really, the conversation helped to calm Mae’s nerves. With all the talking, she just didn’t have any time to devote to worrying about anything. It was for the best, all things considered.

For the full ten minutes, they talked about how Francine’s work was going, about some of the more memorable customers that Bob had to deal with over at the car repair shop, how Mae’s parents were doing, and what Mae’s college classes had been like.

Just about the only thing they didn’t talk about was the proverbial elephant in the room.

Casey himself.

Mae knew Francine and Bob were still hoping Casey would come home one day. Gregg had told her as much. That was why they had put up all those missing posters around town, even when everyone else figured that he wasn’t coming back.

Of course, Mae knew now that that was indeed the case. Casey would never come back because he technically never left Possum Springs in the first place. He was dead, and no one other than she, Bea, Gregg, Angus, and now her Aunt Molly knew about it.

Mae didn’t know what she would do if Casey’s parents started talking about him as if he were still alive somewhere.

Probably cry, she thought. Or scream. Maybe both.

Regardless, she wasn’t particularly looking forward to this dinner.

When the Hartley family home finally came into view down at the end of their long driveway, illuminated only in the moonlight, Mae felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. She stared at the house, taking in the familiar façade, and felt a chill run down her body. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep, steadying breath.

She could do this, she told herself.

She could.

This would be okay.

Everything would be alright.

She had to believe that.

And she opened her eyes.

Francine parked the car and got out, heading around to the trunk to bring the groceries in. The car headlights lit the surrounding area for a moment and Mae sat in the car, taking in every detail of the house that she could.

It was a rundown little place set way back in the trees, isolated from any neighbors. It hardly looked any different than it had since the first time she’d been there over fourteen years ago. The same rusted-out old car frames were still in the same spots on the lawn, the front porch still looked about ready to cave in on itself, and Francine’s little garden off to the side was overflowing with flowers and fruit and weeds.

The only things strikingly different were the brand-new carport off to the side, the fresh gravel for their driveway, and that the paint on the house had peeled away even more.

Even their boat was still sitting outside, covered by a ratty tarp. She never knew why exactly they had a boat, considering they were several hours from any significant body of water, but it was as much a part of the home as anything else. As far as she knew, it had never been used except for during that one flood a few years ago.

The whole place just screamed ‘home’ to her. She loved it all, and seeing it again years later only made her love it even more. When she was real little, she spent almost as much time here as she did at her own house.

But, at the same time, it was scary. She felt a little apprehensive about going in and being in this house without Casey there beside her. It almost felt like…disrespecting his memory or something, though she knew that was ridiculous.

Francine rapped on the window beside her, making her jump in her seat. “C’mon, sweetie. Get your butt into gear. Time’s a-wasting.”

“Yeah yeah.” Mae unbuckled her seatbelt and quickly exited the car, only to have Francine offload about half the groceries into her arms. Together, they made their way up the front door and went inside.

The moment she walked in the door, Mae was struck by just how little everything had changed. The house had been built back in the 70’s and it really showed in just about every facet of the home. The original dark orange shag carpeting was threadbare, the walls were still made up of wood paneling and fake stone, and most of the popcorn in the popcorn ceiling had been worn away over time. All of it was just how she remembered.

Francine entered behind her, haphazardly throwing her keys in a little dish beside the door. “Bob!” she yelled out, setting the groceries on the kitchen counter, “You decent?! We got company!”

“What?!” The distinct voice of Mr. Hartley reached Mae’s ears from the living room off to the right.

“We’ve got company!”

“What?”

She rolled her eyes at Mae, apologetically. “Oh, just get on in here!”

He didn’t respond, but by the telltale squeak of his armchair, Mae could tell he was getting up to see what all the fuss was about.

And then, just like the intervening years hadn’t gone by at all, Bob Hartley came shuffling in from the other room. _"What?”_ he asked again, his voice brisk.

Francine walked forward to meet him, planting a chaste kiss on the side of his face. “We got a guest joining us for dinner tonight.”

“Oh? Who’s that?” He glanced around the room, not having noticed Mae yet.

Mae stepped forward, more into his line of sight, and gave him a halfhearted wave. “Hey there, Mister H.”

Bob blinked and took a step back, not quite believing that Mae Borowski was standing right in front of him. He glanced back at Francine, who only smiled and made a gesture for him to say something.

Only, no words came out. He clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth together in a nervous fashion, and just stared at Mae. 

As the silence lengthened, Francine jumped in, hoping to undercut it somewhat. “Can you believe it?! I was driving back home just now, and Margaret here was just walking on by the side of the road. Didn’t even believe it was her ‘til I stopped the car.”

Bob nodded slightly, though it was obvious he had only heard half of what she’d said. He continued to stand there, swaying from side to side, looking as if he’d collapse any minute. But he didn’t. Instead, he sucked in a breath of air and opened his mouth to say something, only to shut it again and stared wide-eyed at Francine, wringing his hands all the while.

And then, without so much as a word, he turned around and retreated back into the other room, leaving the two women all by their lonesome.

Mae looked up at Francine, confused. 

Francine just sighed, as if this was a more than common occurrence as of late.

“You’ll have to forgive him,” she said with a little hitch in her voice. “He gets a little emotional nowadays. He—” She stopped short, unsure how to phrase the rest of the sentence. “He, uh, misses Casey something fierce, and I think seeing you again might’ve been a bit much for him.”

Mae froze at the mention of Casey’s name. It had been the first time either of them had acknowledged him all night. Still, she managed force out a murmur of understanding that seemed to be good enough for Francine.

“He’ll come ‘round,” Francine assured again, though it seemed to be more for her own benefit. “He’s just in shock is all. Don’t fret none ‘bout it.”

Mae didn’t answer.

“Anyhow—” Francine clasped her hands together loudly, enough to make Mae flinch in surprise. “I’m gonna get started on dinner. You still like chicken alfredo?”

Mae took a second to realize she was asked a question. “Uhh… Yeah.”

“Great!! I’ll make that with a nice side salad. How’s that sound?”

Well, it sounded good to Mae. Anything that Francine made was bound to be delicious. Also, she hadn’t really eaten much for lunch that day and she was pretty hungry. Also also, she was glad about the change in topic. “Sounds great, Missus H!”

“Wonderful!” She stepped away, heading for the kitchen just off to the left. Mae began to follow, but Francine shooed her away before she even managed to set foot inside. “Now, unless your cooking skills have remarkably improved the past few years, I don’t want you anywhere near the kitchen, got it? You’re our guest. Go sit and relax, please.” 

Mae relented, though reluctantly. She and Casey had been barred from the kitchen a lot when they were younger. Almost all of the time, actually, and for good reason. Francine did not want them underfoot at all, and Mae had never been the best at cooking.

But, she knew that Francine wasn’t trying to be mean. She was pretty sure Francine Hartley didn’t have a mean bone in her body.

And then, as she was walking away, Francine called back out to her. “Make sure you call your mama and tell her you’re here ‘fore she starts worrying!”

Ah, right.

How could she forget?

That was a top priority.

Wouldn’t want Mom to worry any.

“Will do!” Mae said in return, as she was left standing alone in the foyer.

Now, if she remembered correctly, there was a landline out in the living room, where Bob was. It was the only room in the house with a phone besides the master bedroom, and she definitely didn’t want to go in there.

Out of everything she’d seen so far, the living room was the most different. The couch was new—or newer at least—the carpet had been replaced, and there was a nice flatscreen TV in place of that old big box thing they had. That thing had been old. It had an antenna.

The only thing that hadn’t changed any was Bob and his favorite green pinstriped recliner that was situated in the middle of the room. As Mae entered, the TV was on mute, but turned to a local conservative news program, and Bob was sitting in his chair, staring at the screen, not actually watching any of it.

She walked over to the far corner where the phone was situated next to the couch. Bob took notice of her arrival and hastily began shuffling through some papers on his side table. Mae couldn’t tell what they were and didn’t really care to know.

Her call home was fairly short, though that was probably because no one actually picked up on the other side. Dad probably wasn’t home yet and her mom usually took a shower around this time. She left a quick message letting them know what had happened and where she was, and left it at that. She wouldn’t be home too late. Hopefully.

With that done, she flopped down on the couch and waited.

About a minute passed.

And she was bored.

The TV had nothing of interest on it. The news anchor was talking about something political that Mae could really care less about.

It was times like these that Mae really wished she had a smartphone. It was an entire aspect of culture and time-wasting that she never got to experience because Possum Springs had no reception. It sucked. Hard. It was even worse when she had gone to college and everyone and their brother had fancy new phones and she didn’t. 

She glanced over at Bob, who was now watching her right back, having finished doing whatever it was he’d been doing. He smiled at her and seemed to take note she was bored. “So…” he said, struggling to figure out something to say. “How’s college going?”

“Oh.” Mae chuckled lightly. “I dropped out actually.”

His face flushed red. “Ah.”

“It’s good to see you again,” Mae said.

“You too.” He nodded, as if that made the sentiment more meaningful, but didn’t say anything else.

Mae would’ve said more, just to keep the conversation afloat, but Bob very loudly cleared his throat and picked up the newspaper lying on the side table beside him, reading it animatedly. 

Okay… That was fine with Mae. Bob had never been much of a conversationalist in the first place and she hadn’t been as close to him as she had been with Casey or his mom. Casey always said his dad was a bit shy and Mae could tell he was even more so than usual, as evidenced by how rattled he’d been since he saw her.

After about a minute, during which it became very apparent that Bob was pointedly ignoring her, probably because he didn’t know what else to say, she came to the realization that being bored wasn’t much fun.

Also, she had to pee.

That was the more pressing matter at the moment.

She hopped up from the couch, leaving Bob to his own devices, and quickly made her way to the bathroom. It was off the main house, down a skinny little hallway that didn’t lead to much else besides bedrooms and closets. It was also the only bathroom in the house.

After taking care of business, Mae made her way back down the hall, intent on seeing how dinner was coming along, when something caught her eye.

She stopped short, her breath hitching in her throat.

Just in front of her, on the other side of the hallway, was Casey’s room.

She hadn’t even noticed it the first time she walked by, though that was probably because the door was closed, which was odd in and of itself. His parents must have shut it at some point, because Casey never ever closed his door. She had quite literally never seen it closed before and it looked so very wrong to her.

It was a strange feeling, standing there. Her chest tightened just at the thought of what was beyond that door and all the memories she had of that room. So many happy memories…

She sucked in a hard breath, trying to steady her nerves at least somewhat.

She reached out and turned the knob, throwing the door wide open before she had a chance to change her mind. Light from the hallway spilled into the otherwise dark room, outlining familiar shapes.

As she tentatively stepped inside, she flicked on the light switch, illuminating the room fully. 

Everything was still exactly the same. It didn’t even look like anyone had even been inside since he disappeared. Dirty clothes were still strewn about on the floor. His drum kit sat in the corner, abandoned. The posters from his favorite bands were still on the walls. His bed was still unmade. Even his laptop was still open, though it had run out of power a long time ago.

Mae felt lightheaded as she moved further into the room. It was a surreal feeling bubbling up inside of her that she couldn’t quite place. She sat down heavily on the edge of his bed and just looked around at the room, trying to process everything.

This…

This was all that was left of Casey.

This was everything he had left behind.

The skateboard leaning against the wall.

An unopened pack of cigarettes.

Those camo-patterned bedsheets he’d had since forever.

His Witchdagger poster that had prompted Mae to get her own.

That stupid stuffed animal she’d gotten him for his birthday one year.

His beat-up, off-brand drum set.

A Lego motorcycle that he’d put together all by himself.

And all the other various odds and ends he had accumulated over the years. 

It was all so very Casey.

Mae clenched her teeth and fell backwards onto the bed, the springs squeaking in protest. She stared up at the ceiling and at the stick-on glow-in-the-dark stars that she and him had stuck there when they were younger.

There was a dull buzzing in the back of her skull. It was a familiar sensation. It tended to crop up whenever she was feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Like during the softball incident all those years ago. Or when she was at college. Or just a few weeks ago when they confronted that cult.

And this entire situation definitely hit that mark.

This whole thing was terrible, she thought.

So completely, utterly terrible.

It really sucked.

Casey never deserved to die.

He was one of the good ones.

If anyone deserved to die, it was Mae.

She was just trash, in her own opinion.

Like, she had some pretty bad mental issues, and she wasn’t even able to make it through a couple of years of college without almost dying. She couldn’t do anything right and now she was stuck here in town doing nothing and going nowhere. She always talked a big game, but she knew deep down she was just the Queen of trash.

And meanwhile, Casey had been planning to make a name for himself. He was going to do great things, she just knew. Given enough time, he was going to be famous the world over. People were going to adore him, and Mae would’ve been able to say that she used to know him when he was a kid.

He had ideas and plans and dreams.

He was the best person Mae knew.

He deserved so much in life that he never got.

He was dead.

And there she was, sitting alone in his bedroom.

She was there and he wasn’t.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair to anyone.

But it especially wasn’t fair to his parents, who were still desperately clinging on to the hope that he was still alive somewhere—That he had just hopped a train and rode off someplace far, far away.

And Mae didn’t think she could find the strength to tell them otherwise. Hell, she was pretty sure that telling them would be a bad idea altogether. Bea and Angus were of that opinion. Gregg, of course, wanted to tell them everything.

How would she even go about something like that anyways?

Just, ‘ _Hey, by the way, your son was actually kidnapped by a cult that lived in town and was sacrificed to some god that lives in the mines. And also, don’t worry, because I caused a cave in and trapped the whole cult down there and that’s why all those people went missing recently. Remember the mayor and the police chief? Yeah, they were both actual murderers and they killed your son. Good talk._ ’ 

Yeah, that would go over great.

Totally nothing could go wrong with that.

Nothing at all.

Absolutely nothing in that explanation would lead to further questions that Mae was even less prepared to answer.

She hadn’t been hoping to have to do this so soon. In fact, she had been kind of hoping to just avoid the Hartleys for as long as physically possible. Really, it was a miracle that she hadn’t run into either of them the whole month she’d been back, or that they hadn’t heard she’d returned. Her plan of ignoring the problem until it went away almost worked.

But now she was faced with a situation. A decision.

And Mae Borowski wasn’t the best at making decisions, though she did always end up making a lot of them. In fact, she made dozens of poorly thought-out, ill-informed decisions every week.

This just happened to be a really, really big decision that had the potential to cause some major emotional drama with some people she loved and respected.

No pressure.

So, she had to actually think this through.

She had to actually stop and put that brain of hers to use. She went to college. Easy-peasy.

Best case scenario, if she didn’t tell them, then they would just think he ran away and was living the good life somewhere else. That would be good. Just let them think he was happy and didn’t actually love them enough to get in contact. Let them think they were horrible parents and he wanted to be as far away from them as possible.

Okay. Maybe not. 

Or, they could also worry that he was living on the streets in some big city on the other side of the country, slowly starving to death. That wouldn’t be good either. 

Either way, they would worry about him. She could tell they already weren’t taking his disappearance well, and having them hold on the hope he might come back to them one day seemed needlessly cruel. They would be forever left wondering why exactly he just up and left without saying goodbye, because Casey would never cut his parents out of his life like that. Or cut her out of his life like that for that matter. It was completely out of character for him,

They would never know what happened to him.

They would never get any sort of closure.

And in Mae’s opinion, they didn’t deserve that. They were good people at heart.

No.

They deserved to know what happened to Casey.

They deserved to know what some of the people of Possum Springs did to him. 

She would have to sit them down and tell them what happened to their son.

And that was a terrifying prospect.

It might even be the hardest thing she would ever have to do. Somehow going out to confront the cult and nearly dying several times paled in comparison to having this conversation.

Mae wasn’t one for having kids, but even she knew that having your only child kidnapped by a cult and sacrificed to a dark god would be a terrible thing for a parent to hear. Right up there with having your kid die by…well, Mae couldn’t really think of anything. That might actually be _the_ worst way to go out.

And that would be exactly what she would have to tell them.

Great.

Just great.

Maybe her mom had been right. If she hadn’t been walking along that road earlier, then she wouldn’t have to be worrying about any of this. Walking down deserted, forested roads in the dark did always lead to bad things happening.

Who could’ve known that?

So, it was settled then. She would tell them. After dinner, she figured. There wasn’t any time before and she really didn’t want to drop that kind of bomb before they ate.

That was that.

There was only the problem of figuring out how exactly she was going to do all that, but she would cross that bridge when she got to it. She was better at spur-of-the-moment stuff like that anyways.

All she had to do was hold it together and not freak out when it came down to it. She was only talking about the tragic death of her best and oldest friend. How hard could that be?

Well, Mae didn’t really want to even think about it.

In fact, Mae just wanted to rest. Casey’s bed was always pretty comfortable and she almost could’ve drifted off to sleep if she really wanted to.

But she didn’t.

Mae didn’t know how long she stayed in the room, laying on Casey’s bed. It couldn’t have been that long, though, because Francine never called her to dinner.

It was only when the sound of shuffling footsteps reached her ears that she snapped out whatever daze she’d been in. Though it had been years, Bob’s footsteps were still so characteristically him, that she had no trouble telling who it was.

Sure enough, moments later, Bob came into view through the open doorway, visibly confused as to why that door was open. He peeked his head in and peered around the room until he found Mae now sitting up in bed looking back at him. He just stared at her, unblinking, his eyes glistening in the light, looking almost like he’d been hoping someone else was there in her place. 

Suddenly feeling self-conscious about being in Casey’s room, Mae hastily scooted off of his bed and stood up, grinning awkwardly at Bob. She really hoped he wasn’t going to be angry with her for being in the room. She could certainly understand why he didn’t want her in his son’s room at the moment. The door was closed for a reason, after all.

But Bob didn’t say anything, which was almost to be expected at this point. Instead, he just scrunched his eyes shut and heaved a deep sigh, before continuing to walk down the hallway, presumably to his own room.

Mae stood there, listening to the sound of his plodding footsteps retreating down the hallway until Bob got to his room and shut the door behind him. He was gone.

She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding and collapsed back onto the bed. That buzzing feeling in her head seemed to double in intensity and she was almost afraid she might split open.

Okay. 

Okay okay.

Okay okay okay.

There were a lot of thoughts jumbled around in her brain at the moment. Casey, his parents, this whole dinner, his room. It was a lot. A lot of a lot of stuff. Emotions were a real pain sometimes.

This was definitely something she needed to write down in her journal. Really, she should’ve done so a couple times previously, but this was the first time all evening she had the time to jot anything down.

She yanked the journal out of her back pocket and opened it to the next fresh page. She had gotten a new journal about a week ago, so she hadn’t gotten the chance to write down a whole lot in it yet. Also, there just hadn’t been a whole lot to write about the past few weeks. The novelty of being back in Possum Springs had worn off and there wasn’t anything really interesting going on. The past few pages in this new journal were mostly just her complaining about the snow and looking for a job.

After staring at the empty page for a few moments, she put her pencil to the paper and started sketching out a picture of Casey. She spent a good couple of minutes on it, filling the empty space around him with little doodles of the things she felt defined him, as well as a couple of other objects of interest from his room.

When she was finally done, she ended up taking up the next page with drawings of both Francine and Bob’s heads and wrote a short list of talking points she’d need to go over when she told them what happened to Casey, just so she could get her thoughts straight in her head.

Also, she wrote the words, ‘WISH YOU WERE HERE,’ under Casey’s picture because there was still some spare room on the page.

That helped. 

It really did. 

It was amazing how much this journal did help her. Doctor Hank was right about at least one thing in that regard, even though he did turn out to be a murderer. She still wasn’t looking forward to having the conversation with Bob and Francine later, but it seemed halfway doable now.

She flipped to the back of her journal, where she’d stuck that stupid flyer Doctor Hank had given her. She still wasn’t sure why she still carried that around all the time, but it did help to look at it sometimes. Helped to calm her nerves.

  


  


#### WHEN YOU FEEL OUT OF CONTROL,

#### REMEMBER THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE…

# OPTIONS

  


##### -count to ten! -take a deep breath! 

##### -talk a nice walk! -practice positive self-talk!

##### -I.P.S.: Identify Possible Solutions

##### -….smile!

  


  


She smiled, a warm feeling spreading through her chest.

Yeah!

She could totally do this!

She was Mae effing Borowski, and she could do anything! She stopped an entire murder cult from killing everyone in town and met God! And none of that sounded at all like what a crazy person would say! No way!

She snapped her journal shut with a resounding crack and shoved it back into her pocket.

Okay! It was time to stop wallowing and go face the world head on!

With a renewed sense of vigor, she leapt up from the bed and charged out into the hallway, completely forgetting to both turn off the lights and close the door behind her.

Mae decided to go see what was going on with dinner, which was where she had been heading before she got sidetracked. She may have been banished from the kitchen, but Mae was never one to follow orders. No one could keep her caged! No one!

Not only that, but Mae was eager to eat some more of Francine’s cooking. She was probably the best cook Mae knew, besides Angus, maybe. She never had the time to cook much when Mae was younger, but when she did, it was always delicious. She had even tried to teach Mae at one point, but it became incredibly clear that she just wasn’t cut out to cook anything more than microwavable dinners, so that ended rather quickly. 

But, maybe she could help with something, Mae figured. She was an adult! She knew how to boil pasta! She could do anything! She was Mae effing Borowski!

With that in mind, Mae strode into the kitchen, intent on finding something to do, only to find Francine leaning against the counter, staring at the floor. She didn’t appear to be paying much attention to the pots on the stove, but she must’ve heard Mae come in because she glanced up suddenly, hurriedly wiping at her eyes. “H-hey there, Margaret dear.” She smiled weakly. “Gonna be a couple more minutes still.”

Mae stepped forward, unsure how exactly to respond. “…Everything okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Just seeing you again is bringing back some old memories is all. Just remembering you and him running around the kitchen here playing pirates.”

“It was space pirates, actually.” Mae smiled. “That was when he wanted to be an astronaut.”

“Oh goodness, how could I forget that? He bugged me for months to get him all sorts of books about space.”

“And then he wanted to be a dinosaur expert or something, I think.”

“Oh, yes. He had a whole little ‘ancient history’ phase...” Francine took in a deep breath and let it out. “He always had such grand ideas for the future, didn’t he? Always wanted to do something big.”

“Yeah…” Mae hopped up on the counter. “He always had dreams.”

Francine turned to Mae, arms crossed across her chest. “I’m glad he managed to get out of this town, you know? Maybe he’ll make it big one day. I just wish…” Her voice caught in her throat. “I just wish he’d said goodbye first.”

Something inside Mae broke at those words. Broke it and threw it on the ground and stomped on it until it was nothing. She wanted to just scream at Francine that Casey was dead and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it, but she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t say that. Not like that. Not yet.

Instead, what she said was, “I’m sure he’ll make a name for himself, and you’ll hear about him on the news, and he’ll come back with the story of a lifetime and millions of dollars. They’ll make a movie about his life. Tom Hanks will play him and everything.”

And she hated it. She hated every word that came out of her mouth. It was the biggest lie she had ever told. 

But it made Francine smile.

And that was something good at least.

But it was only for a moment.

“Do you know—”

There was a loud hiss from the direction of the stove—the telltale sound of pasta water boiling over and evaporating on the burner. The both of them jumped at the unexpected noise and Francine rushed over to move the pot off its burner, muttering under her breath.

Once the foam settled back down, she turned back to Mae, hands on her hips. “Oops. Forgot I was still cooking something, sorry.” She flashed Mae an apologetic look, but didn’t seem too upset about the sudden intrusion.

And neither was Mae for that matter. She was all too glad to not have to talk about Casey anymore. Also, she was pretty hungry at this point. “Is there anything I can help with?” she asked, hoping to expedite the food a little bit.

Francine hummed and then reached into the pot with a fork and scooped a noodle out to taste. It seemed to be cooked well enough, as she ate the entire thing. “Don’t really think so,” she said afterwards. “Everything’s about done.” 

“Oh.”

“Have you washed up yet?”

Mae nodded. “Yeah.”

“How about you go ahead and set the table then?”

“Can do.” Mae gave a mock salute and immediately went over to the silverware drawer. She knew the layout of this kitchen just as well as her own, after all.

Gathering all the required plates, and forks, and spoons, and everything else she needed, Mae carried it all into the dining room and took care in arranging it as best she could. It was probably the most effort she’d ever put into setting a table in her life. She certainly never cared this much when she’d been asked to do it at home.

It was a small table, with only enough room for four chairs. Bob had his seat facing away from the window, Francine had hers opposite him, and Mae set her place in the spot normally reserved for guests.

She left Casey’s spot empty. It didn’t seem right for anyone to sit there. 

And with that done, she sat down and waited, mentally preparing herself for what she would have to do after dinner.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this, I realized I couldn't remember if any other stories have had Mae actually draw stuff in her journal. I feel like I've read a couple that have, but I couldn't find any when I looked.
> 
> I also find it interesting that she carries around a self-help flyer that Doctor Hank gave her. It may just be in there to be cleverly disguised as an options menu, but I love the implication that she still looks at it sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3

  


Dinner was a muted affair.

Mae had a hard time keeping her eyes off the seat where Casey usually sat. Every time she glanced at it, she half-expected to see him sitting in it, like nothing had changed, and it broke her heart all over again. Once or twice, she even caught Bob or Francine glancing that way as well, likely for very similar reasons. 

In order to keep some semblance of a conversation going, Francine had been asking Mae all about the past two years she’d been away at college. It wasn’t going particularly well, and Mae spent more time eating than talking, though that wasn’t going too well either. On any other day, Mae would’ve inhaled anything Francine cooked, but she felt like she might throw up and could barely force herself to eat the pasta.

Even Bob didn’t appear to be faring much better. He poked listlessly at his food as he stared somewhere off at the wall in front of him. He hadn’t spoken a word since they had sat down.

“So…did you meet any cute boys while at college?” 

Mae jerked in surprise, head snapping up to look at Francine. “Wha?”

Francine smiled softly. “I’m sure there’s a few handsome young men running around Durkillesburg. Any boyfriends I should know about? I won’t tell your mama if you’re worried ‘bout that.” 

Mae blinked, processing the question. “I mean… No. Not really. She was silent for a moment. “But! There was this one—” She broke off, glancing at Bob. She had been about to tell that story about the time she was crushing on that one girl and then ran into a trash can, but thought better of it. Bob was pretty conservative last she checked, and staunchly against same-sex relationships. Mentioning that she was also into girls was not something she wanted to get into right then. Or ever with him, really.

She started again. “I guess there was this one guy, but nothing ever really came of it.” It was a half-truth at least.  
“Oh? What was his name?”

“Uhh…” She glanced around the room, looking anywhere but Francine’s eyes. “Max Youngquist.” That had been the name of her freshman year roommate’s boyfriend. With the amount she talked about him, his name was pretty much permanently seared into her head.

“What was he like?”

Mae shrugged. “I dunno. He was just in one of my classes. We barely talked, and nothing actually happened, so...” she trailed off, hopeful Francine wasn’t going to ask more questions. She really didn’t like lying to her.

But she wasn’t so lucky. “What class?”

“Um, Algebra, I think.”

“Oh geez!” Francine chuckled. “What were you taking that for?”

“It was required. Believe me, I wouldn’t have taken any math classes if I didn’t have to. I barely passed that one and I’m glad to never have to do any of that again.” 

“Oh, I remember. You and Casey used to sit here for hours trying to do your math homework, and…” She trailed off.

It felt as if the temperature of the room dropped several degrees. Bob shifted uncomfortably in his chair upon mention of Casey’s name and Mae couldn’t help but look at that empty spot at the dinner table again.

And kept looking at it.

And looking at it.

And—

She blinked, tearing her gaze away from the chair, clenching her fists under the table as hard as she could.

Francine frowned, let out a shaky sigh and looked down at the table, unable to look at either Bob or Mae.

The conversation died a hard death and they ate in silence for another ten minutes or so, until the tension in the room became almost unbearable. At least, it was to Mae. There was a pounding in her head that wouldn’t let up and she was feeling so terrible she eventually stopped trying to eat altogether.

As she pushed her half-eaten bowl of pasta away from her, Francine set her silverware down on the edge of her bowl, dabbed at her mouth with her napkin, and fixed Mae with a forceful look. “You feeling alright, hon?”

Mae nodded. “Yeah… Just tired, I think. It’s been a long day.”

“That it has,” she agreed, drawing out the sentence. “Are you all done eating?”

“Yeah. The food was great, but I just wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was, I guess.”

None of them had finished their food. 

“Well, if we’re all done, there’s no use sitting around here, is there?” Francine smiled, trying and failing to inject some sort of cheer into her voice.

And that was that. Dinner was over. They brought their dishes into the kitchen and dumped whatever food they had remaining into the garbage.

“You can just put everything in the sink.” Francine waved a hand dismissively. “I’ll wash it all later.” In all the years Mae had known the Hartleys, Francine had always cleaned the dishes right after dinner, so it was a little surreal for her to shirk it so casually.

The three of them walked into the living room. Mae was unsure exactly what to do or how to even bring up the topic that she needed to talk to them about. Should she just tell them to sit down on the couch? Like parents telling their kids something important? Was there a guide on how to break terrible news to people? If there was, Mae really wished she had read it.

But before she could even do anything, Francine brushed past Bob and her, hurrying off in the direction of her bedroom. “You two go on and sit. I’ll be right back,” she called over her shoulder as she went.

That sounded great to Mae. Her head was still pounding, and her vision was starting to spin violently. That was definitely not good.

She plopped down on the sofa and tried her best to calm down. If she started to freak out now, the evening would get even worse.

Dimly, she was aware of Bob walking across the room, barely hearing him over the buzzing in her ears. “I’m gonna go for a smoke,” he muttered as he unlatched the sliding glass door that led to the backyard.

Next thing she knew, she was alone in the room.

Mae took a deep breath.

And then let it out.

In.

Out.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

What was that thing that Doctor Hank’s flyer said?

Count to ten.

One.

In.

Two.

And out.

Three.

In.

Four.

And out.

Five.

In.

Six.

And out.

Seven.

In.

Eight.

And out.

Nine.

In.

Ten.

And out.

Mae opened her eyes, not having even realized she had closed them.

Her entire body was still shaking, but she felt decent. She was calm now. Cool. Collected. In control.

Things were good.

She was here.

And everything else was there with her.

She felt the couch underneath her.

She could hear the babble of the talking heads on the TV.

Everything was okay.

That was what she had to tell herself.

Mae leaned back into the couch, rubbing her face. That had been close. Again. That dinner had not been good for her nerves. Or her head. In fact, it had done just about the exact opposite. Almost gave her another attack, and she did not need that right then.

She would have to take some sleeping pills when she got home later that night. Or some cough medicine. Whichever put her to sleep faster.

It was a couple of minutes later, after Mae finally managed to get somewhat back to normal, that Francine came back into the room, carrying…something in her hand. She smiled as she saw Mae. “Come here, Margaret. I’d like to give you something.”

As Francine grew closer, Mae stood up to meet her halfway, taking care to not stumble. Her legs were still a little weak.

Francine opened her hand, revealing what she was holding. “Here, I think he’d want you to have this,” she said, as if it was some casual thing, even though it most definitely was not.

Mae’s breath hitched in her throat and the entire world swam before her eyes for a brief moment before snapping back into place.

In Francine’s hands was a loosely woven bracelet, made out of a brown and red twine-like material. The ends were frayed away and the beads that were laced into it were chipped and dirty, but Mae recognized it instantly. She had an identical one back at home.

It was a friendship bracelet that she and Casey had made when they were in third grade. He had one with Mae’s name spelled out on the beads, and she had the one with his name on it. It was somewhere in her room, buried in some drawer somewhere, but she knew she still had it, even though she hadn’t thought of it in years.

Her eyes fixated on the beads spelling out her name.

M A E

She looked up at Francine, confused. “I can’t take this. This is his.”

But Francine pressed the bracelet into Mae’s hands anyway, clasping her hands around Mae’s. “Well, maybe you can just hold on to it until he gets back, yeah?”

Mae didn’t know what to say. She opened her mouth, closed it, and then stared down at the bracelet in her hands.

M A E

The letters jumped out at her, burning into her mind. The M. The A. The E. Somewhere in her head, she knew it was her name, but at that moment it was just a collection of letters.

“I…I don’t….” She looked up at Francine. “…Thank you,” was what she eventually managed to force out.

Francine smiled and pulled Mae in for a hug, squeezing her tight. “He missed you, you know.” It wasn’t a question. “He was beside himself for months after you left.”

Well, that managed to make Mae feel even more like shit, though she knew Francine didn’t mean anything by it. That said, it was exactly the thing she didn’t need at that moment. She didn’t even know that it was possible for her to feel worse about what she had to do.

Still, she had to say something. “I missed him too,” she mumbled into Francine’s shoulder, not sure what else she could possibly say. She paused, trying to think of something else, but all she came out with was, “I still do.” That, at least, was the truth.

Francine continued, finally pulling away from the embrace. She stared off somewhere behind Mae, not quite focusing on anything. “I’m sure that wherever he is, he’s missing all of us something fierce…”

Mae’s heart crashed, and she clenched the bracelet in her hands as hard as physically possible, trying to draw some sort of strength from it.

Her eyes refocused on Mae. “I just wish he said goodbye. Or left a note…” Her entire body trembled. “Or anything…”

It was then that Bob came back in from the backyard. The two women were standing in the middle of the room, Francine’s eyes brimming with tears, and Mae looking as if a stiff breeze might blow her over.

He looked at the two of them and shuffled past to go sit on the couch with nary a word.

As he passed, the smell of the cigarette smoke clinging to his body assaulted Mae’s senses, bringing her firmly and abruptly back into the now. The smoke burned her nose and her mouth and her lungs, and a violent cough erupted from her body.

At that moment, there was only one thought in her mind. It sat there, burning bright, and refused to go away.

It was time, she knew.

Now or never.

She had to tell them what really happened to Casey.

“I have something I need to tell you two.” The words were out before she could even think to say them. That was it. No turning back.

She barely heard herself speak but somehow managed to convey the seriousness that she had intended. Francine went and sat down next to Bob, pressing her body into his, though it was hard to tell who was comforting who.

One of them might have said something, but Mae didn’t notice. Her heart was pumping a mile a minute, the blood was rushing in her ears, and she felt as if she might throw up or pass out or scream or cry, or some combination of all four.

Seconds ticked by.

Or maybe it was minutes.

She couldn’t tell.

There she was. Bob and Francine Hartley sitting on the couch, staring at her with full attention. It wasn’t a situation she had ever imagined herself in, but she never anticipated a cult sacrificing her best friend either.

Mae stood there, looking back at them, unsure exactly how to begin. She had given thought to it earlier, back in Casey’s bedroom, but she couldn’t remember any of it in the moment.

She gripped the bracelet, clinging on to it for dear life, twisting and turning it in her hands.

She could do this.

She had to.

She had to.

She owed him that much.

She took a deep breath. “…I know what happened to Casey.”

Francine gasped, her eyes wide. “How do—”

“He’s dead, ain’t he?” Bob’s flat voice cut across his wife’s words.

Francine looked at him, shocked that he would even voice such a thing, and then back to Mae, hoping more than anything that she would say he wasn’t. Hoping more than anything in the world that Mae would say Casey was still alive.

This was it.

The moment of truth.

Her heart felt as if it might burst right out of her chest.

Mae looked at the both of them and opened her mouth.

And then closed it again.

She took a deep breath in.

Francine was trying her best to hold back tears but was failing miserably.

Bob looked as if all the life had been sucked out of him.

But despite all that, there was still the barest glimmer of hope in their expressions. At that moment, that was all she could see. That hope that Casey was still alive. And she was going to be the one to crush that hope.

The words she wanted to say were stuck in her throat. 

All she had to do was nod. _‘Yes, he was dead.’_ Bob already got the ball rolling for her.

It was easy, she told herself.

So very easy.

And then Margaret Borowski shook her head no.

“Uhh… No, actually. He’s doing okay.”

At first, she didn’t even process the words that came out of her mouth. That hadn’t been what she had been intending to say—what she had been wanting to say all evening.

The lie came easy. A lot easier than she had been expecting or would have liked for it to.

A wave of shame rolled over her the moment she realized what she had done. She was a coward. This was the one thing she had to get right—the _one_ thing—and she couldn’t even manage to do that. What a complete fuck-up she was.

A deep feeling of self-loathing and regret roiled in her stomach and for a moment, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. She watched on in complete and utter dread as Francine and Bob reacted to the lie that their son was still alive. In an instant, all of their past fears and grief flowed out of their bodies. They seemed almost like different people. 

Francine was quivering with excitement and was trying her best to stay seated, even though it was plainly obvious she wanted to get off the couch and hug Mae or maybe jump with joy or something. It was a far cry from the despondent, grief-stricken woman that she had been moments before.

And Bob was clinging to his wife, his head buried in the crook of her neck. He was sobbing heavily into her shoulder, a year’s worth of tears spilling over as the gloom and despair he had been feeling for so long was finally lifted.

They were both so happy.

And of course they were. She had just told them that Casey was alive. And more than that, that she had been in contact with him. That she knew he was doing okay, whatever that meant.

Out of everything she could’ve done, that was probably the worst decision she could’ve made. She would have rather she chickened out and didn’t say anything than outright lie that he was still alive, to give them that hope back.

But there she was, foot firmly in mouth, just like usual. 

Why couldn’t she do things right? This was just like Bea at Jackie’s party all over again, but about a billion times worse because it involved her directly lying about a dead child to someone’s parents. If she somehow wasn’t going to Hell before this, she definitely was now. This practically guaranteed her a fastpass ticket to skip the line at the entrance.

Mae took a deep breath.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Mae breathed out.

It was in that moment Francine spoke up, her voice choked with emotion. “How do you know?”

It was the only natural follow-up to the news that Casey was alive, but that question hit just as hard as her lie had. And, to top it off, she had no idea how to answer it.

So, naturally, she did what she did best and just started talking without thinking. If it could get her into this situation, it could get her out.

“I’ve been asking around.” She paused, racking her mind for anything remotely believable. “You know those crust punks that get off the trains out by the old Food Donkey?”

Francine nodded, her eyes wide and filled with anticipation. 

“Well I met with one a while back. His name was Angel. He said he’d keep an eye out for Casey. Let him know that I was—that we wanted to know if he was okay. That we were all worried about him.”

Both Bob and Francine were hanging on her every word. They clutched at each other like they were afraid the other might float away.

“It was only about a week ago that I got any news. Uhh…” Mae chuckled nervously. “This one guy, I don’t really remember his name, says he totally met him. Came all the way from out west. Ran into Casey a while ago on some train out in the desert. Managed to get a message back to me.” 

The friendship bracelet was practically burning in her hands now. Casey’s ghost was probably cursing her. Yelling at her to just stop before she dug herself into an even deeper hole.

But if there was one thing Mae was good at, it was digging herself into a hole. 

She kept talking, filling the silence. “He’s doing good apparently. He’s out on the west coast now trying to make a name for himself or something. I’m not really sure to be honest. I think the guy was high or something, so I couldn’t get a whole lot of info from him.”

And then came the kicker.

“Why didn’t he say goodbye? How could he just…” Francine couldn’t find it in her to complete that sentence.

Mae shrugged, struggling to maintain an air of casual indifference, and continued to lie. “Just wanted a clean break, I guess. Couldn’t bear to say goodbye and knew you guys would want to stop him. He said he misses you guys a lot. That was very specific.”

“But…” Francine frowned. “I just don’t understand why he’d…”

Mae felt a pang in her heart and wished more than anything that this whole thing could be over. “I know,” she said, “And I’m sorry.”

So sorry.

So very sorry.

She continued, pressing through the lump in her throat. “I’m so sorry he’s gone. I know it’s not fair. I don’t know why he had to go so suddenly, but—” She broke off, trying to choke back a sob. “But I guess it was just something he had to do.”

The words felt like fire. But, it was the truth. It wasn’t fair he was gone.

She took a deep, steadying breath and idly wiped the tears off her face. 

It wasn’t fair.

And then before she could react, she was wrapped tight in a hug. It took her a moment to realize it was Bob hugging her, not Francine. 

His tears had dried by then, but his body still trembled as he hugged her. As Mae tentatively hugged him back, he almost crumpled under her touch. For such a large, solidly built man, he seemed in that moment like he could break into pieces.

“T-thank you so much, Mae,” he was saying through labored breaths, “Thank you so much for this.” He withdrew from the hug, but held on to Mae, keeping her at arm’s length, and stared deep into her eyes. “You don’t know how much this means to us—I was so—” He glanced down and let his arms fall limp to his sides. “ _I just feel so relieved._ You—”

And then Francine joined them, pulling the both of them into another hug. “You’re a Godsend, Margaret. That’s what you are. An honest-to-God miracle! You just come in here out of nowhere and…and just…” She couldn’t seem to find the end of that thought and instead squeezed Mae tighter and planted a kiss on the side of her face. “ _Thank you so much. I’m so glad he’s doing okay…_ ”

Just like that, something wound tight inside Mae snapped.

She couldn’t do this anymore.

She couldn’t be _here._

She couldn’t stand in this room and continue this horrible, twisted thing.

She pushed out of Francine’s embrace and shot about halfway across the room, putting as much distance between them and her as possible.

They were saying something, but she couldn’t hear them.

Her hand was still clenched tight around Casey’s friendship bracelet, almost painfully so.

“I have to go!” The words came tumbling out of her mouth without her even thinking them.

And then she ran.

Tears blurred her vision as she rushed out of the house and into the night.

She didn’t know where her feet were taking her, but she didn’t really care.

All she knew was that she wanted to be far away from Bob and Francine Hartley and the train wreck that had just happened. 

And so she kept running.

And running.

And running.

And running.

Right up until her stomach gave a powerful lurch and she skidded to a halt to puke her guts out right where she was.

Mae groaned and sat down heavily on the ground a couple of feet away from the pile of Francine’s chicken alfredo.

She still felt sick to her stomach, but she knew it wasn’t because she just threw up.

“What the hell, Mae,” she muttered under her breath.

“What the absolute hell was that, huh?

“How could you have fucked that up so badly?!”

It was easy! 

Wasn’t hard at all.

Just tell them that Casey was dead. 

But no!

No, she had to completely mess everything up, just like always.

She was a screw-up, through and through. All her life.

Bashed Andy Cullen’s face in.

Dropped out of college.

Almost made Bea hate her.

Almost ruined Gregg’s life and his relationship with Angus.

Couldn’t even stand to be away from home without completely flipping out!

And that wasn’t even half of it.

“Ugh!” She flopped backwards, lying on the grass, and looked up at the stars. 

Casey wasn’t up there. 

With trembling hands, she held his friendship bracelet above her and her heart came pouring out.

“I’m so sorry, Casey.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell your parents what really happened. Couldn’t do the one thing that I had to do.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t honor your memory.

“I’m sorry we never really go to say goodbye…

“I’m sorry that I never—”

She broke off and then continued.

“I’m sorry that I never really told you how much you mean to me, dude. You were the best person I ever knew. You were meant for so much more than anything in this hole of a town. 

“And I…

“…I…”

In that moment she realized something she had been denying herself for a long time now.

“…I love you so much, dude. I don’t think I ever really stopped to be honest. I thought it was just some teenage puberty hormone shit, but I think I really did love you.

“And I—I know that you never really loved me like that, so I’m sorry, but…I can’t help it, you know? You were my best friend. Dad always told me to marry my best friend—and Gregg’s gay and Bea’s _not,_ so there was ever only you. From that moment you saved me from being torn to shreds by that dog, it was ever only going to be you.”

She let her arms fall back down and held his friendship bracelet tight to her chest.

“I just…I just miss you so much, Casey.

“I miss you so much it _hurts._

“You have no idea how much I looked forward to seeing you when I got back home and…and when they told me you skipped town, I nearly fell apart right there in the Clik Clak.

“I thought that, at least, you managed to finally get out. That was something, at least. That meant _something,_ at least. You were going to make a name for yourself. I understood why you couldn’t wait for me and even though it hurt, I was happy for you. I was going to be stuck in town, but at least you were going somewhere.”

She sighed and clenched her eyes shut.

“And then down there in that mine—I don’t even really remember everything that happened down there anymore…but I remember when I realized that those assholes killed you. I felt so empty. Like something I didn’t even realize I had had been torn away.

“For a moment, I thought about going down into that hole after you, but I knew you wouldn’t want that…”

She opened her eyes.

“It’s just not fair. You didn’t deserve this. I don’t care what those guys thought about you—I know you were a good person, and…”

And that’s when the tears really started to flow.

“…It’s not fair…

“It’s not fair…”

She turned on her side and curled into a ball, cradling the bracelet.

“Why’d you have to leave me, huh?! I never gave you permission. You can’t just abandon me and expect to get away with it, you know?” She chuckled softly. “You always knew just what to do and…and I-I need you back here to help me.

“I just—” Tears spilled down her face as a sob racked her body. “I just miss you so much. I miss you so much, I don’t know what to do.

“I just wish I could hear you one last time…”

She glanced down at the bracelet in her hands, half-hoping that—well, she didn’t really know what. Hoping for something. Anything.

But there was nothing.

Nothing but three beads and frayed, old twine.

M A E

She breathed in.

And let it out.

“…I love you, Casey Hartley…”

Mae Borowski didn’t know how long she laid there, on the side of the road. All she knew was that she cried until she ran out of tears and her body was practically numb from the cold winter air. All she knew was that, by the end of it all, she felt better. More at peace. 

What had started with the funeral she’d held for Casey ended there that night. The hole that he left in her heart would never get smaller, but, over time, she could make it a smaller part of herself. She was better, and she would get better, and that was all that mattered.

After a long time, she forced herself to sit up. With bleary eyes, she glanced around at her surroundings. She was sitting on the side of some road she recognized, just a few blocks away from the Hartleys. Honestly, she was surprised that they never found her. They had to be worried sick after she ran out of the house.

Mae took a deep breath and stood up, wiping the last remaining tears from her eyes.

She had to get back home.

  


~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

  


It was close to midnight by the time she got back.

Or something like that. Mae wasn’t entirely sure. She didn’t own a phone or a watch, so time was an enigma to her.

But what she did know was that her dad was still awake when she walked in the front door and that meant it wasn’t too late.

He was sitting on the couch watching late-night television, just like always. It was all so normal. It felt surreal after such an abnormal night.

She wasn’t really in the mood to talk to him right then, but she knew she had to. It’d be too suspicious not to, and then he’d ask questions, and Mae definitely couldn’t handle that.

She gently closed the door and shook off the light dusting of snow that had accumulated on her shoulders on the way back.

Her dad glanced over as she approached him.

“Hey there, Kitten.”

“Hey Dad.”

“You look cold.”

“Well, it’s snowing outside. That tends to happen.”

“Should’ve brought a heavier jacket with you.”

“I hate my heavy jacket. It’s way too puffy.”

He chuckled and then muted the TV. Never a good sign. “Heard you ran into Francine and Bob tonight.”

“Yeah…” Mae sighed and leaned against the arm of the couch.

There was a beat of silence.

“How’re they doing?”

“Alright. As well as they can be, I guess. It was kind of an emotional evening.”

“I can imagine.”

She smirked. “You really can’t.”

“You know, they called about three hours ago and said you were walking back.” It wasn’t a question, but Mae knew her dad well enough to know she had to have an answer anyways.

“I took the long way home. Just felt like walking.” It was a weak excuse and her dad knew it.

He reached over and patted her arm. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I mean, no, not really, but it’s fine.”

“Honey, you know you can—”

“I _really_ don’t want to talk about it, Dad. Not ever.”

He peered at her over his glasses and nodded in apparent understanding. “Okay. Wanna watch some TV? More reruns of Garbo and Malloy are on.”

She shook her head. “Nah. I think I need to just go to bed and sleep for like the rest of my life.”

“Okay. Love you, Kitten. See you tomorrow.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

And with that, she trudged up the stairs and headed for her bedroom. 

She flicked the lights on as she entered and then stood there and looked at the small attic she had lived in for so long. There were a lot of memories there. With a sigh, she turned the lights back off and plodded over to her bed, kicking off her shoes as she went.

In the distance, the train horn echoed across the valley.

She picked her laptop up and moved it off the bed so she could sleep, but something caught her eye as she did so. 

Mae stared at the computer screen for a moment.

Every one of her friends had sent her a message. She could see the little chat bubble next to their icons.

All except one, of course.

There at the very bottom, was Casey. Casey’s icon. The camo, the guns, the little black cat face staring back out at her. She had never taken him off of her favorites list. He forever earned that spot.

Mae sat down heavily on the side of the bed, clicked on his icon, and looked the little popup that appeared.

It wasn’t much. Just some text that he had written ages ago that she had long since memorized, but in that moment, she could almost imagine that he had just typed it out. For just a second, it felt like he was still there with her.

But then the feeling passed, and he was lost to the wind.

But her memory of him wasn’t.

Even if no one else did, she would always remember him. Until her last breath. That was the promise they made, back when they were kids. She would never forget Casey Hartley, even if there were people who thought he was worth forgetting.

And she stared at the screen until the early hours of the morning, remembering him and the life they had shared together, however brief it had been.

  


  


  
—AWAY MESSAGE—  
BORN 2 LOSE  
COUNTRY TRASH PROUD  
DRUMMER  
SK8 AND DESTROY  
SK8 2 CR8  
BOUND FOR GLORY  


  


  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.
> 
> Okay. Sorry about that eight month wait everybody. Life just got unexpectantly busy and I never found the time to finish this thing. Not much of an excuse, but it is what it is.
> 
> But now it’s here. Hopefully it was worth the wait, even if things probably didn’t go the way most of you expected. 
> 
> Mae really screwed up there, huh? Between telling them or not telling them, she ended up choosing the one thing that wasn’t even an option to begin with. Hopefully you all aren’t too disappointed that Mae never told them the truth, but this was always the plan.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who stuck around to see me finish this and sorry again for the delay.


End file.
